Blackballing and Bitchy Tempers...

After being blacklisted from Seaboard Foods after the fiasco with Poky Sow...thanks Joe Morgan, I am now seriously debating whether to change my path and become an agronomist which is a safe bet or to just keep struggling on in my quest to better the lives of food animals. Call me a renegade but that's what they said about Temple Grandin...

and the moral of the story is...what did we learn today,children

ah yes...damn right it feels good to be back...

after a few weeks of hiatus because of moving and dealing with stupidity, we are now back at Oklahoma Panhandle State University for round number two...and round number one for Master.

(not exactly the world's greatest place of higher education but hey, it's cheap and they give me money to go here to the little shack on the prairie)

however...you ain't reading this shit to figure out my latest and greatest complaints about Camfield and Preator, are ya?

the last few weeks have been a real trial about submission even when i just don't want to or really don't give a shit about anything..I have been really fighting the willful spirit and questioning life in general even down to the point of asking myself if i am really truly cut out to be Bear's property.

Damn depression...Zoloft be damned.

I know that I have been blaming myself for not being a better working slave and for not taking more pride in property, but really, I should stop blaming myself and cutting myself down. Bear was and is still willing to take a chance on me when most wouldn't...

I know the lesson in my head but it's a bitch getting my heart to understand it...

Equal is only for little packets of Artificial Sweetener

...not for Bear's and my relationship....

After reading the discussion on FetLife's M/s board, I had a moment of total mental clarity about the M/s dynamic that we choose to live. I don't know if I could hack living as equals. I am not his equivalent. There are some parts of my life where I excel over him (stockmanship, cooking, cleaning) and some where He kicks my ass (strength, farming knowledge, driving in city) but on opinions and final calls...there is only one final answer.

His.

It's not to say that I don't have an opinion...hell, I am, at times, an opinionated bitch. He does listen to my opinion but we have found that there's no way in hell that being equals works. Someone has to knock my bullheaded stubborness down a notch or two to get a solution that works for the greater final good of the relationship.

I hate where people tell me stand up for your rights. What the hell is this, a bad rendition of a Bob Marley song or a Union Contract Negotiation? As long as Bear still allows me food, water and a place to sleep, all of my basic rights have been met. All others are conditional. This is not to say that He's some barbaric Neanderthal who bars me to the house. I still am allowed my friends and family and some alone time, because He feels that it makes me more human and thus better able to serve Him.

On major life decisions about careers, our son and the journey into being a Poly family, I do the research, report back to Him (hey there's another good reason I am working for Kochenower, the honing of my research skills), offer my opinion respectfully(not coming off like a power crazed bitch..did that once, never doing that again) and then wait for His final call...

There's rationale behind every reason...not just whim...

Cold as Ice...Loud as Life

Nothing cools down this oppressive Oklahoma Panhandle heat like a good ice scene. Bear came home from His day at the grind...and somehow, after complaining about the heat He took it upon himself to cool His slave's jets. Breaking out the trusty black nylon rope and a camo blindfold (hell yes, we are rednecks...just wait until I get some RealTree or Mossy Oak and then we will have the true redneck blindfolds...fit for deer season, but I digress), I find myself tied up...and for Bear's first few attempts, He did splendid...

after getting tied, i hear the distinctive snap of clothes pins on my tender cunt lips and as he put them on he twisted them ever so slightly...mmmmm delicious pain....i start to feel myself drift off into sub zen as i whimper from the air hitting my clit and the perfect torture of those damn clothes pins (i had a feeling why Bear bought a bag of 100 and it wasn't for just air crisp sheets either), then He grabbed my tits roughly and snapped a set of clothes pins on the tips of my highly sensitive nipples...normally, i don't handle nipple pain well but somehow, today, i craved it, needed that definite assurement of who owns who around here...and then he left me, as i whimpered and pleaded for mercy...

all of a sudden, cold hits me..the bag of ice...so soothing on this oppressive heat...he dangled the ice on the nipples as he tweaked the pins, which started me to whimper and cry out...i could hear the delighted sadist waking up in His voice. then He started to torture my cunt, holding the cube on my bulging clit...pushing the cubes into my cunt...then as i whimper louder and plead more intently, he jerks the clips off my nipples as he pours water on my face...my mouth became so dry from the whimpering and panting that he decides to torture his slave further by only pouring the water close to my mouth and only a few drops go in to satiate my thirst...then he pours the icy cold water on my cunt as he rips off the clothes pins...

such a delightful pain...such a welcome bonding between Master and slave...something as simple as water and ice can be so nice...thank god it's summer!

a search for the second sister-wife/slave

After reading my dear friend's blog, it made me think about our own search for the second. I feel, from my side of it, that there are several reasons why we are looking for a second to add to our family. Part of it is because of my very open and unashamed sexual orientation, there is a part of me that feels rather incomplete without a good woman around. I feel complete with Bear and I feel that my feminine-uber girly part is met by having the dominance of Bear around. However, i miss having a intimate relationship with a good woman, and unlike most straight men who think that it's strictly about sex, it's not. I miss the rapport of intimate female conversation. Note, I think that I've only had this about once in my life and the dear girl knows who she is. I miss female touch and yes, shameless as it may sound, skirt chasing isn't as fun as it used to be because I'm not looking for just sex only.

Part of the reason for looking for the second is because we have so much to share with a good woman and I have been of the mindset that it is selfish to not share our love and devotion to a potential second. Bear and I have thought about this a great deal and we know that it will be hard not to go into alpha/beta slave complex but with proper communication and patience, this should be alieviated. The second is not a replacement for the first. The second isn't being brought in for brood sow/mare/cow because of first (mine) infertility issues, nor as just a working slave..if that was the case, I'd hire MerryMaids. She is to be our close friend, a confidant...but because of logstics such as location and family issues, this shall be a massive undertaking.

I don't hustle women for Bear, I prefer to bring prospects to him and speak to him and the prospect about expectations. We are not perfect, we are not infalliable but we are honest. As much as I'd like her to live with us, this won't work very well...because like I need Texas County Sheriff's Office and Goodwell PD nailing us for bigamy...a'la'Mormon Church.

I am willing and ready to share my place in the yoke and am just waiting for the second to come in her own due time...

Patience is a virtue...

el ranto bloggo...or something along that line.

Yeah, it's time for a good old rant (and this time, I can blame the shit on my mono making me bitchy as well as sleepy).

Rant #1: Marilyn Musgrave. Doesn't she know when to just roll over and die? Now she's back in the news saying that she won't conceed her defeat because "the militant homosexual front, the abortionists, the unions and the extreme far left" is what cost her the position. No, you dumb fucking heifer, you cost yourself your position. Being such a royal-ubangie bitch is what cost you. People want progress and you're the poster child for a failed adminstration. Your ideals aren't what everybody wants, unless you're some back-asswards Republican from Holyoke or Yuma....

and to make her sound even more ignorant than she already is, she stated "more and more youth are becoming pro-life and perhaps we can make abortion illegal in every case". What youth are saying this, the Duggar clan? I just hope she understands why she can't find clotheshangers in her local Wal-Mart because most of them have been snatched up in back alley clotheshanger abortions. Just hope like hell one of her young pre-teen or teenage family members don't get raped or fall a victim to incest, then she'd demand them to carry a child to term....

Sit down, shut the fuck up Marilyn...seriously

Rant #2 American Farmers are committing suicide

Something has to give here. I read this article in the Denver Post about American Farmers are Losing Hope and there was this dumb bitch that said that farming is nothing more than an overpriced and oversized vegitable garden and that there is no reason to blow your brain out over a failed garden. She also states that farming is like as easy as playing a video game. What the hell woman, you tell me when the bank is calling in production credit notes and the harvest isn't any good that farming is such a hobby and a cakewalk. Tell me it's a hobby and not a real job.

Shut the fuck up ignorant city slicker...and go into this link...you'll see me as OPSU Stock Jockey

http://www.denverpost.com/ci_12506134


Rant #3...Sperm Donor

This one isn't really a rant, but a rather interesting find. Bear went into the CBI background check and found that he got nailed left and right for charges, plus, he's gone by the name of Terry Allan Archuleta (Archuleta is commonly a Mexican last name, but also seen in Italian families, and Mr. Burks aka SpermDonor hates Mexicans with a severe and outright passion, so note the hilariousness of the situation). Three different birthdates, four different names and more moves/criminal charges...and his wife/girlfriend on her facebook said on her update "is spending the weekend with her sweet, sexy man". I just want to gag...and show her what her "sweet sexy man" is really about...LOL

priorities....

I came across a article in Masters and slaves group from a woman who is serving a Dominant couple and has grown adult children and is questioning priorities and hierarchy of the family unit.

Now this made me think...hmmm...what is first in my life?

Bear is first because I have to make sure that he's tended to so he can provide financially for our family and our needs. He has to work to make sure that our family is financially solvent and for now, He is the money maker of the house.

Secondly, it's me because I still have to survive school and start working to make the type of combined money to provide for our child who is already facing a tough road ahead with severe autism.

Third is Butch. He is still very important in our lives and we have to look towards what his life may be like as he matures and grows older. His autism isn't going to improve and we have to make sure that he gets the quality of life that he can reasonably attain. However, if Bear and i don't take care of ourselves, he won't have the type of life that he so rightfully deserves. Butch has already gone through enough horseshit in his nine short years that he deserves so much better.

I know most on there would say that i suck because I worry about Butch more than Bear at times but I know that Butch can't tend to himself and in the end, it's well worth the struggle and sacrifice.